I would enjoy Everybody's Golf Hot Shots a lot more if everyone stopped YELLING AT ME

Around seven years ago now, I got my first taste of Clap Hanz's excellent Everybody's Golf series. I picked up the 2017 game pretty cheap, for reasons I'm not quite sure of—I've never really played or enjoyed sports games, I don't care for golf, and I'd never even heard of the series prior to this purchase.

Maybe it was the promise of anime models that looked like they'd been ripped out of a 2000s online rhythm game or sheer summer boredom, but I'm glad my silly little brain made that decision. Everybody's Golf is an excellent game, and I loved the 2017 version's open courses that I could drive a cart around with my own wee custom character. Also, you know, the actual golfing part was surprisingly good with tight physics and a steep but fairly intuitive learning curve.

It's why I was especially excited to discover that the series was going to be making its PC debut with Everybody's Golf Hot Shots. It's exclusively been a PlayStation thing since the first game released in 1997—except for the one game that made its way to mobile in Japan.

What I wasn't so excited about was the fact Clap Hanz is no longer at the helm. Hot Shots instead has been tackled by developer Hyde, behind games like Digimon Survive and Tamagotchi Plaza.

Do I think it lives up to almost 30 years of Clap Hanz spectacles? Not quite, though I have been really enjoying my time with it. I just wish everyone would shut the fuck up for more than two seconds.

The good stuff outta the way first: I kinda dig how retro-feeling Hot Shots is. Everything is freaking locked, and you have to play through the game's various modes to unlock new characters, balls, golf clubs, and caddies. Is the grind a little tedious? It can be—especially when you realise that generic abilities like using higher-quality clubs and spin power mode are unlocked on a per-character basis with loyalty levels.

But for singleplayer offerings, Hot Shots has a lot going for it. I can play through an assortment of courses in Challenge Mode and face off against characters to then go ahead and unlock them in World Tour, complete with some light visual novel cutscenes.

There's even a Mario Party-style game mode with Wacky Golf where I can chuck debuffs on my opponent while making my own shots far easier to take. I haven't spent too much time in this mode, but I can imagine getting stuck into it with a couple pals.

And while I certainly raised an eyebrow initially at the little note at the bottom of the Steam page saying Hyde was using generative AI for its trees and leaves textures, former GameXplain host (now of Good Vibes Gaming) Jon Cartwright reckons the developer has been a little overcautious with its disclaimers.

But good grief, nobody in this game knows how to let a conversation sit for more than two seconds. God forbid any air is left without someone's gums flapping on the goddamn fairway. And all of this is coming from a self-professed chronic yapper.

Hot Shots starts me off with two golfers Alie and Mizuki, and caddy Hannah. I picked Alie for my first try in Challenge Mode, with Hannah tagging along for the ride with no other options available to me.

Here's what happens approximately every other second:

• "I'm rooting for you, go get 'em Alie!"
• "You can totally count on me!"
• "Yay!"
• "You got this, girly!"
• "Go ball!"
• "Deep breaths, girly!"

It's exhausting. Things only got worse when I unlocked access to German caddy Hugh—whose voice actor I am not entirely convinced comes from Deutschland. If I have to hear "to the right, ja?" one more time, I fear I might crash out.

Do people on real golf courses chat this much? How do they get any actual golf done? How am I supposed to swing my club while dancing around yelling "yay, ball!" for the millionth time? It certainly doesn't help that each character only seems to have half a dozen voice lines to pluck from for every situation, which means I'm forced to hear the same incessant yapping multiple times even in a 9-hole outing.

It's a small peeve, I know, but one that has really grated on me in my initial hours with Hot Shots and sullied what has otherwise been a surprisingly enjoyable time. I honestly wasn't sure I'd appreciate a non-Clap Hanz take on the game after the developer has been at the helm for so long, but Hyde has done a decent enough job that I'll let it slide.

If the studio can take an axe to the voice line frequency ASAP I'll be much happier for it before some poor caddy's head ends up getting shoved down a tornado hole.