Cyberpunk 2077 cops are such dirty cheaters they don't even need cars to catch you

So there you are in Cyberpunk 2077, doing crimes. Moments later the cops arrive, running over on foot to put you down.

At first that might seem normal—committing a crime in a big bustling city full of easily panicked citizens would certainly draw any nearby cops to your location quickly. No need for them to use a squad car, either. They were just around the corner.

But after you've been playing Cyberpunk 2077 for a while, those cops start feeling a bit fishy. When you commit a car crime, like running someone over, the cops will pursue on foot and shoot at you from the sidewalk, but they never actually pursue you in a vehicle. That's... weird. And not much fun, because who doesn't love a good high speed chase?

And even when you're somewhere remote, say, outside the city on a lonely stretch of road with no one around, the cops still manage show up just as quickly. On foot. Out of nowhere.

Decided to test how bad the cop spawning issue is... from r/cyberpunkgame

The secret ingredient? Magic. The cops just spawn in right next to you. It's not like in Red Dead Redemption 2 where there's an eyewitness system that alerts lawmen, or like GTA 5 where cops will come speeding to your location in cars and actually search the area for you.

Cyberpunk 2077's cops are simply teleported to your location when you commit a crime, spawning out of midair like demons from Doom. 20 stories up on a skyscraper? Inside a parking garage? In the middle of the Badlands? Doesn't matter. They'll know you committed a crime and find you instantly, even if they need to stand on top of razor wire to get to you.

I heard you like cop spawning videos from r/cyberpunkgame

Surely, though, if you're standing in an empty elevator, shooting through the doorway, the cops can't just teleport into the elevator behind you, right? It couldn't be that shoddy of a system. They would spawn outside the elevator, as if they'd come running from outside the building, right?

The answer is no. They will straight up spawn into the empty elevator, right behind you, in packs. (Maybe they just really love that fight scene in Captain America: The Winter Soldier?)

I've seen this called a bug, but I don't think it is. I think this is how the system, if you can call it a system, is intended to work. Do a crime, cops automatically appear on your location, even if they have to teleport into an empty elevator behind you. And you thought psychic guards in Oblivion were annoying! Keep in mind, Oblivion was 15 years ago, and this is way worse.

I was already having issues with cops before I realized what dirty little teleporting cheats they were. First, they would attack if I looked at them too long. Two of them even called me over to give me a mission, and when we were done chatting they attacked me immediately because I was standing too close to them! And finally, I killed someone in a small garage at one point, and there were suddenly several cops inside the garage with me, too. That's when I knew they weren't playing by the rules. Because there are no rules.

As for why the cops don't drive, just try out a street race and take a look at the other cars. They'll need to constantly despawn and respawn to keep up with you. Plus, as we've seen, NPCs in Cyberpunk 2077 are terrible at driving. No wonder the cops rely on teleportation magic to catch you.