If you were ever worried about a machine uprising, check out the World Humanoid Robot Games and have a giggle with me
I'm pleased, nay, delighted to inform you that the first-ever World Humanoid Robot Games have begun in Beijing, and the first day's highlight reel is a thing to behold.
While some of the robots appear to have put on an impressive performance in traditional sporting events like the 100 metre sprint, it's not been entirely smooth sailing for many competitors—which makes it a fabulously entertaining watch for us technology rubberneckers.
From robots stumbling backwards at the starting line (before reaching a pace that might be terrifying, if one was chasing you down an alleyway with a hammer) to a bizarre robot fashion show in which one particular machine appears to to have an existential crisis and collapse, I can't remember the last time I had this much fun watching YouTube at work.
The World Humanoid Robot Games includes robotic competitors from 16 countries, including the US, Germany, and Japan, and its organisers say the purpose is to test the decision-making and motor skills of its entrants, among other things. Yep, they're definitely being tested alright.
It seems like musical interludes were the main order of the day, as multiple bots are shown dancing, playing musical instruments, and completely and utterly failing to understand the concept of rhythm. If you thought your father was bad at a wedding, wait until you check out these contenders attempt the mechanical mambo. Delightful.
Oh, and I simply can't let this particular football-playing bot pass without comment. After taking an agonisingly long time to score a goal against the opposing side, it appears to celebrate by dying on its feet and being dragged from the field, as an opposing player looks down in disgust. Give the bot an orange, folks. It's done for the day.
To be fair to our robot competition (you never know, one might be reading), I'm no good at sport or dancing either. And, it must be said, the sheer variety of humanoid designs is impressive from an engineering standpoint. It wasn't long ago that consumer robots were essentially the equivalent of this awkwardly-shuffling techno-dog, and our contenders here are managing the awkward procedure of bipedal motion mostly with aplomb. Mostly.
I'd love to see what Boston Dynamics' Atlas bot would be capable of in similar events, as I think it would truly be something terrifying to behold. Or its newer variant, in fact, with its freaky-deaky bendy limbs. I wrote that story over a year ago now, and that thing still haunts me in my sleep. You have been warned.
Anyway, I have seen it, and now you have too. Sleep well tonight, dear readers. While Musk's Tesla bot might be coming for our factory jobs, at least we can rest soundly knowing that the world of sport, dancing, and walking in a straight line is ours, if these current competitors are any indication. For now, at the very least. Sweet dreams.