D&D's 2024 Dungeon Master's Guide has finally had it, passive-aggressively denounces peasant railguns, capitalist artificers, and weaponised bags of rats

I've recently finished drumming up my thoughts on the D&D 2024 Dungeon Master's Guide, one of the biggest places where the system had room to improve—and they've done a decent enough job with what they have. One entry did, however, make me laugh out loud: "Players Exploiting the Rules."

Now, don't get me wrong. Everything in the entry itself is wise advice. TTRPGs are, broadly-speaking, less about their rules and more about everyone having fun—the kind of loophole-driven exploits and broken builds you see floating to the top of forums are only ever interesting thought exercises, and they can (and should) be struck down in actual play unless the table is really into it.

But this entry quite specifically and harshly calls out a few infamous examples of player shenanigans, some of which my fellow PC Gamer writer and TTRPG enthusiast Robin Valentine actually showcased in this ridiculously broken builds list. Namely, the infamous peasant railgun and the vaunted "just have a bag of rats on you" tactic.

For context, the peasant railgun abuses the "ready" action to pass a spear down the hands of a thousand peasants, making it travel at an absurd speed in one round, six seconds. The "bag of rats" involves using vermin (or sometimes chickens) to trigger various abilities, such as ones with a 'when you kill a creature' condition.

The funniest part here is that, while it's definitely targeting these specific examples, it does so with the airiness of your passive-aggressive friend obviously vague tweeting at you. Here's the entry on "rules aren't physics:"

"The rules of the game are meant to provide a fun game experience, not to describe the laws of physics in the worlds of D&D, let alone the real world. Don’t let players argue that a bucket brigade of ordinary people can accelerate a spear to light speed by all using the Ready action to pass the spear to the next person in line. The Ready action facilitates heroic action; it doesn’t define the physical limitations of what can happen in a 6-second combat round."

Generally speaking, rulebooks try to be neutral in their tone, but this whole paragraph reads as downright sassy. "A bucket brigade of ordinary people" in particular is some spicy phrasing—go off, Perkins, get 'em! As promised, here's the section on the bag of rats thing, since I know you love the drama: "Some rules apply only during combat or while a character is acting in Initiative order. Don’t let players attack each other or helpless creatures to activate those rules."

Now, personally I think letting players attack each other is fine, depending on the circumstances—the warlock and the barbarian exchanging a knowing nod before the former draws blood from the latter's bountiful sack of hit points can be a cool (and dare I say, romantically charged) moment. But the "helpless creatures" thing is definitely trying to call curtains on the bag of rats nonsense. Anyway, this is advice for new DMs, so I'm fine with Wizards not including every edge-case in its judgement.

I also like this sentence, based on how "The Game Is Not an Economy", which reads: "The rules of the game aren’t intended to model a realistic economy, and players who look for loopholes that let them generate infinite wealth using combinations of spells are exploiting the rules." No, Artificer, we're not turning the campaign into a sci-fi capitalism simulator because you figured out how to provide infinite energy. Go to the dungeon I made for you and die like a good soldier.

The rulebook ties off this whole section with the following advice: "Outlining these principles can help hold players’ exploits at bay. If a player persistently tries to twist the rules of the game, have a conversation with that player outside the game and ask them to stop." Knowing the kind of players who try to do the peasant railgun thing, or create nuclear fission in Faerûn, I'm not sure they will.